A DiabetesDad Bad Day. :(

smile faces one sadI’m not feeling very positive today.

I’m the one who always touts how we can live and should live a positive life.  And I do; well mostly.   But at this time, at this moment, I do not.  I share much with you and at this time when I feel just how much I cannot stand this disease and I worry…….well I wanted to share this moment with you as well.  It’s not always easy, is it?

It’s the enormity of it.  Everything I fear in my two kids who battle this disease everyday.  Did we ‘do it right’….inventory check.  They seem to be doing well; working, living, and going to school.  But are they checking their blood sugar each and every time before they get behind the wheel of the most powerful machine they will ever sit in and control?

Do they understand that a mistake can be a big mistake?  Do they know how to make sure they will be okay?  Are they dating someone who really takes this disease serious enough to do what they NEED and not necessarily what they want?  What does life hold for them?

It all started over something small. Something, I am positive, others would say is silly.  It was not a huge episode.  Just something that made me see, again, for the millionth time. I opened the refrigerator to get some cream for my coffee and the two shelves labeled Bobby (with a note bearing his more mature request of Rob taped over it) and Kaitlyn written in marker.  Permanent marker.  Labeled over 5 years ago so we knew who owned what.  Why were we given two kids with diabetes?  Why?  Why? Why? Why?

Why even given one?

I started to realize that my little girl, my little butterfly-kisses princess of two years old now twenty-four, could probably fill 50 refrigerators full of diabetes supplies that have passed through her body.  I just stared at the two shelves.

I cried.

I walked outside, took a deep breath.  Twenty minutes sitting and looking at a majestic sky by our waterfall.   Thinking.  Dwelling.   Done.   And now it’s time to get back to work.  Nothing gets done while crying about it.  Working toward a cure, advocating, and/or whatever else being worked on does not get done by dwelling on things that cannot be different.  By working on these things, though, can bring about change.  Change is what we need.

So today, was not an easy day for me.  I’m entitled.

I am a diabetes dad.

Please visit my Diabetes Dad FB Page and hit ‘like’.

 

43 thoughts on “A DiabetesDad Bad Day. :(

  1. Thanks for sharing Tom. Indeed, while we put our brave faces on everyday, the pain is deeply embedded. I appreciate everything you’re doing to make a difference

  2. Indeed. Its still new so to speak for us, my teen T1 son and my family. September 30, 2013 was the day our lives took a drastic turn . I do this too, at least a few minutes a day. We pull out of those moments, see the bigger picture and thrive to raise awareness locally. Something our area does not have enough of. I too was clueless until diabetes nestled inside my child. Keep on keepin’ on. Your words are refreshing and real. Inspiring.

  3. I too often ask “why do TWO of my 4 children have type 1? why even ONE?”. It’s ok, and if it wasn’t this it would be something else, maybe something worse. We do the best we can with what we have – and guess what – tomorrow and everyday we get a brand new day! Keep your chin up – your kids are doing a great job and so are mine :)
    ps – we will be at the FFL conference soon and hanging with a ton of people who “get it” yay!!!

  4. Hugs to you Diabetes Dad! You lift us up so often with your posts–this one is no exception–we are in this together–all D parents supporting one another–and even the strongest sometimes needs a listening ear and words of encouragement.
    You are a GREAT Dad!

  5. Totally understand “that moment,” Tom…sometimes I think it’s the instant camaraderie D-parents find, whatever our “other” backgrounds, and the support and understanding we have for and of one another that makes this “doable.” Some of us write it and post it often, some of us read it and feel it together, and are united and strengthened by those who express it for us all. Thank you for being real…and we keep fighting on for our kids!

  6. Thank you once again for your blog! You put all our feelings into words, and do it perfectly! We all have days we just need to cry, but then we move on. Hope your “moving” day gets better!

  7. Bonjour
    The same for me today. As others kids were having à regular wednesday, wé was at the laboratory for the annual blood check. He hates that…so do i. I send you big hug from France

  8. As a mom with 3 kids with t1d. I am saddened yet encouraged to hear your story. I feel like this most days but have to get up and move on. Thank you for all you do!!!!!!

  9. Its thru the support of folks like you that helps all of us deal with this pain in the tail end disease. We ask “why” our son was singled out quite often. My wife ponders about it, and I try to help our family understand. No one has the answer. All we can do is hope and pray that one day everything will get figured out. Until then we all need to continue to support each other, talk to each other, stay strong, and take care of our loved ones like we know how to. August 13, 2013 our life changed forever in one 15 minute conversation with our endo. It hopefully one day will be just like it was towards the beginning of the summer of 2013. Thank you Diabetes Dad for your voice. One day we will hopefully be able to just call you Dad again.

    • Nothing would make me happier. I believe in all my heart and soul that a cure will be found. We must take care and hold on until such time. A bad day now and again….ain’t so bad. Now it is time to move forward again. Thanks for the wonderful words from a fellow d-dad.

  10. First and foremost, a BIG hug to you. No matter how long we deal with this disease it takes a toll. I cannot agree more, let’s wipe those tears and turn those tears to a reason why we need to advocate more, raise more money for a biological cure. Thank you for what you do and thank you for sharing you pain.

    • As I read this, I just thought of my daughter the same age as yours………IT IS OS WORTH EVRYTHING to get us there…..and we will. In it to end it. Much love my fellow d-mom…….you amaze us constantly.

  11. It’s hard sometimes, but you have to remember our Kids are still in the race. The race of Life the Human race.
    My boy (13) had his first hypo seizure two weeks ago. He lives with his mum round the corner. She had to give him a jab with an emergency Glycogen pen then Ambulance and in hospital with pipes in his arm.
    It is a constant worry. You be there as long as you can for them, while you can. They will be fine if you guide them, not too much not too little.
    My son always reminds me “Things could be much worse Dad”.
    Keep your chin up Tom.
    Some days there are black clouds but the Sun always returns.

    • They are in the race and mine, was but a brief moment of feeling overwhelmed. Surely not as much as they must feel sometimes. I usually DO NOT let the black clouds get in my way……but every now and a long then…..they hot me. Earlier today was such a day.

      Onward.

      Thanks for writing.

  12. I have wondered why I have 2 with D myself; then a thought struck me, maybe its more about them than me. My job is to get the ready for life, and living life with D. They’ll carry thay cross longer than me, and they’ll do it well, I’m sure of it!

  13. Tom,
    U are entitled. U have done so much for so long and made such a difference. We will find a cure for your children and all the others. Have bad days, it is unavoidable but don’t give up.

    Thinking of u
    marc

    • Give up???????
      Oh no my friend, that is a phrase I do not know.
      Mine was but a brief moment of ‘ouch’ which I chose to share. The number of people, the great number of people, who I count as friends and reached out to me from today’s article to let me know we are in this together; was nothing short of miraculous.
      In it to end it.
      Period!

      Thank you my dear, dear friend.

      • Correct, never give up and remove the word “can’t” from our vocabularies. We always can if we put our minds to it. I tell my entire family this lesson quite often. Just because one is unable to do something at this given moment, does not mean you can’t forever. With perseverance, practice, and patience, you can do anything you put you mind to.

  14. Diabetesdad, I see this from a daughters point of view. My Dad was a type 1 and I too am type 1. When I left home I didnt worry about myself at all, never have, but always worried for my Dad. He seemed to just have a bad time with his diabetes partly down to his bad management and partly down to bad luck. Eventually my Dad died suddenly one day from a massive heart attack caused by, you guessed it, his diabetes. It was an awful time. Trust your kids to make good judgements where testing etc is concerned but also to know its ok if they have a bad ‘im fed up with diabetes’ period. As you say stay positive! :)

  15. Sometimes tears are needed. To release a little pressure. And then back to work. Your mentions of my dear dad have helped me do this several times.
    Warmest regards
    Stefan

  16. I often think if diabetes was a person or a creature, some physical thing, i would have something to hit. I think of my son and his problems and I get angry and I just want to find who made it happen and make them pay… But there’s not “someone” to blame, it’s just something that happens indiscriminately to millions. That’s what kills me, knowing that all I can do is look after him, and there’ll never be a reckoning or a showdown or any kind of justice. It happened, and we rolled with the punch, and every day we get up, saddle up and deal with it. As long as we keep going, then they keep going, so that’s whAt we do. We keep going. And when we need strength we come to places like this, and we find that we are all a family. Every day is hard but hard is what we do x

  17. Pingback: Around the Diabetes Blogosphere - May 2014 Edition : DiabetesMine: the all things diabetes blog

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