Not the Pain, but the Void………Left Behind.

blackToday, I saw the date in the lower corner of my computer.  August 22, 2017.  I started to reach for the phone because I knew, inherently, that the date was significant. I reacted because I had not yet called my dad to wish him a happy birthday.  “Oh, I gotta call……..”

But you see, I didn’t have to call, because dad is gone.  Dad passed away on March 16th 2009.  But at some point every August 22nd since, I have started to reach for a phone during the day.  The urge to react on what I must do, is just a tad faster than the realization of what is true and what is real.

It will,  undoubtedly, also happen during every baseball season as well because if it was one thing dad and I liked to discuss, it was baseball.  It is not a real ‘pick up the phone and start to dial’ and realize, “oh, he is no longer here”.  It’s just that quick second and the beginning of that motion and that thought.  The aftermath is that you start to realize, “wow, was I really going to call dad?”

It’s a time to reflect on who we miss.  Their smile.  What they may have said that made us laugh; made us cry. made us angry, made you inquire as to what they meant, and made us think.  And truly make us miss them beyond comprehension.   So many people come and go in our lives and they are taken in an instant, or are sick, or are here one minute and gone the next but at sometime or another the void they leave behind is both realized and immeasurable.

We do not really ever accept it, do we?  I was taught once……we learn to cope.

That void can be a reminder but more than anything else…….it’s just that……..a void.  We can try to fill it or push it away but at some point the void reminds us that one who filled it, is no longer here to do so.  Makes you want to hug someone today, doesn’t it?
I am a diabetes dad.
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