Worse than Falling Off the Horse………I Missed CWD FFL

I have successfully landed in the land of physical therapy and am officially ‘post-op’.  At an eventual time in the not too distant future, I will land on my feet again….hopefully better than new; or at least better than my pre-op status.

I have learned that I’m not a good patient.

I find it hard that people have to do anything for me.  I was never good at it, and will never be.  I have always called myself a ‘give a gift’ type person, not a ‘receive a gift’.  The very idea of not being able to do for myself is worse than the operation itself.  Someone else cutting my toe nails makes me cringe beyond measure.

I was operated on Tuesday, June 25th.  It was my second operation in several months (I really did not fall off a horse, time just has worn away my knees leaving nothing but excruciating pain).  The first was pretty standard on the right knee, just minor. The pre-op MRI of the left knee showed that it was going to be a tad more difficult than one’s normal knee-replacement.  The standard 90 minute operation rounded out at just past 4 hours.  All is well but recovery would be long and I’m barred from airplane travel for months.   Easy for most, but I live in airports.  And LOVE doing what I do because all of it takes me to people who are doing wonderful things in our world of diabetes.  For my kids, for your kids, for you.  So being told I was grounded has been tough.  So saying, “stay off planes” is so much more than it sounds.

Originally I had the planning of the two operations perfectly planned leaving enough time to ‘get back in the saddle’ with plenty of time to spare.
Uhmmm…….no.
The worst part was when it became clear to me that CWD’s Friends for Life (CWD FFL) would have to be missed.  No one will ever know how crushed I felt as that realization set in.  As honestly and plainly put as I can say it, my kids are alive today because of what we learned at CWD FFL over the many, many, many years we/I have attended.  It has been my lifeline for years and anyone who knows me, also knows that fact.

The only thing worse was making that connection to Jeff and Laura informing them that I would not be attending. That would be the facing the reality that I was not going to be there, real.  After I let them know, I stared out the window for a long, long time wiping the tears off my face.  It was made a tad easier once the conference began and it was great to hear from so many during that FFL Conference week.  From the conference perspective, my absence was surely nothing more than a blip, if even that.  But TO ME, a piece was knocked out of my heart to not be in attendance.

As I recover, I think of so many who are going through such worse things than my present position and it shuts my mouth and keeps me working harder on what I need to do to get past all of this.  My body was saying…….this is the time to get this done, so I listened.

I’m almost self-sufficient again being less of a pain-in-the-butt to Jill, who has been nothing short of an angel caring for what I could not do for the time I couldn’t. I get stronger each day and continue to work at what I need to work at pushing the envelope; just enough to move ahead quicker but not do more damage in the process. I thank the so many who sent such warm wishes over the last month or so.  Your encouragement and caring words truly carried me through this, and I honestly share with you how important it was to hear from so many. I tried to stay low-key about this whole thing, and if you are reading this and not knowing what I am talking about, good, it’s really how I wanted it.

There is so much to do and it’s good to be ‘at it’ again. Too many people need advocacy, education, and a cure.  So onward.  And again, thank you for caring so much.  Let’s get back to work.

I am a diabetes dad.
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