As one looks across the diabetes landscape, it is more than obvious that there is a missing link to the family dynamic in dealing with diabetes. Where are the daddies?
Now hold on a second, I’m not saying that dads are missing altogether and I’m not saying that dads do not do a lot. But would you not agree that as one looks across the support groups, the online community, and even in the philanthropic world, the sea of mommies far outweigh the visible involvement of the daddies?
Is what we see the reflection of truth? Is it the fact that daddies are behind the scenes? Is it that daddies do not spend a lot of time on the computer? Is it that daddies’ support is in different ways that are not seen as ‘out in front’ as mommies?
If daddies are: present, there, and involved; and for whatever the reason they just cannot be seen, that’s fine. But if the majority of all the ‘pulling’ in the weighty aspects of the diabetes world is left to the mommies, well that’s a problem; isn’t it? Is it?
Now it may be, that your family has fallen into what works for you when it comes to the various responsibilities surrounding diabetes care. But has it just evolved into what one person does and what the other does; or was it a plan?
I have a question for you—-what is the one thing you would say/ask/state to your spouse if you were absolutely confident that s/he would not know it was from you? If you click this link:
The one thing I would say to my spouse
You can ask that question. I will share the results with you in a few days.
I am a diabetes dad.
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3 replies on “Where are the Daddies?”
I hate to say this – and I hope I don’t cause an uproar – but, from what I’ve seen in many families (not all, of course), is that Moms can be control freaks. Let’s face it. Lots of Moms are not willing to give up control and allow the Dads to do things. I’m not pointing any fingers here. But, seriously…. look at yourself and how you respond when Dad actually does something. Are you always critical of his methods or his choices? If so, then why is he going to bother? You can make him feel unworthy and because he doesn’t want to feel that way (WHO WOULD???), he stops trying. So, if it is the norm that Moms are doing the majority of the work, ask yourself why that is.
In some cases, it may be that Dad isn’t able to be at home as much due to work responsibilities. In others, maybe Dad was just never taught or taught properly and without criticism.
If there is a true desire to have Dad help, then, you have to give him praise for trying, praise for doing it, and no freaking out if something is not done to your liking. Trust. That’s the key. Trust that he is going to do the right thing because, likely, he will. But, you have to (1) give him the chance and (2) trust that everything is going to go fine.
….If I don’t stop now, I won’t stop. I’m stepping down from my soapbox now… Love to all of you Moms and Dads. You ALL can do it with trust and respect for each other.
BTW, we were taught from day 1 that every adult in our son’s life needed to know how to care for our son. As it happens, my Mother-In-Law lives with us. So, there were 3 adults present every day that he was in the hospital. All 3 of us learned what was taught. All 3 of us took the “test” that our Endo requires before leaving the hospital. And all 3 of us passed with flying colors. So, our evolution occurred in a whole 48 hours of training in hospital and has never wavered since. And because of that, when my MIL goes on vacation with my SIL and her kids (SIL is an anesthesiologist, BTW), she can take my boys – both my boys and take care of him just as I would; just as Dad would. …And as a bonus, Dad & Mom get a vacation, indirectly, as well. Sharing responsibility is not a good thing. It’s a GREAT thing.
[…] comes to the D-Parents and those wonderful mommy bloggers)? Well, D-Dad Tom Karlya wonders “Where Are the Daddies?” Good question, […]