I saw this question recently and I thought enough of it that I wanted to share with you all and ask your input as well. The short answer is that no it is not okay…….it is downright expected.
This diabetes world has my full attention. I have shared a million times that our kids do amazing things with diabetes. They inspire, they are active, and in all things they take life straight on. But sometimes “it all” just hits us and it can be the smallest thing that sets us off.
Don’t we wish we were as strong as our kids?
I’m all for tears and have shed quite a few. I think keeping it locked inside is no good at all. The questions that EACH INDIVIDUAL needs to answer is when is crying stopping you from moving on. I’m not the one to tell you, but at some point you have to find the balancing of coping and moving forward. Crying every night is no good in any circumstances; at some point tears need to be a release and not part of your every day activities.
At what point should that be after diagnosis………you have to answer that question.
I remember deciding very early on that I would substitute tears for actions. You can decide what that action is and how much or how little energy you want to spend. But I promise you this, the more you find time for doing something, the more empowered you will be; and ultimately the less tears you will have each day.
But you will cry.
Many of us still do. And some have arrived at the point that they will not allow diabetes to let them cry at all; more power to you, that’s great.
The interesting and wonderful thing about diabetes is that we are not in competition with anyone else regarding pumps, shots, meters, A1C, or even how much we cry. We are in competition with diabetes; and I strive every day to make it lose as much as possible.
You should too.
I am a diabetes dad.
Please visit my Diabetes Dad FB Page and hit ‘like’.
17 replies on ““My Child was Diagnosed Over a Year Ago……I Still Cry….Is that Okay”?”
It was Aug 13, 2013 for DX of our now 12yr old. We both still cry every once in awhile. My wife more often than me, but that’s why we’re here for each other. I have a very “strong” shoulder for my entire family. Emotions definitely need to get our when its appropriate. Note my 2 cents worth “when its appropriate”. We all need to show strength for our children so they feel safe 100% of the time. Parents have conversations in private quite often when not appropriate for our children, and its ok to cry and get those feelings out every now and then. The build up of un released emotions can compound those same issues.
Now crying is also for being sad, and for being happy. The last time I cried about our child’s T1D was at his last 3 month check up w/ his endo. HIS A1C WAS A 6.9!!!!!!! HIP HIP HURRAY!!!!! Heck I’m tearing up right now again. Crying is not always a bad thing. It can definitely be healthy and good at times. Change the cry of desperation to the cry of accomplishment and success.
Mark
Tears for joy are always welcome, aren’t they? Thanks for the reminder on the ‘flip side’ of tears.
Brilliant post…. Loved reading this!
Thank you for your words.
My son was diagnosed February 2013 at 14 months and i certainly have days that i bawl for him. But never in front of him, I always try to stay strong for him.
I had that thought for a long, long time. A good friend of mine asked me, what seems a lifetime ago; “What do you do to stay strong for you?” He put his hand up to stop me from speaking, “…the answer is not for me, it is for you. Think about it and act on it….”
It was one of the most powerful things anyone has ever done for me. I share it with you.
I think it is good to cry. Let it out. My oldest son was diagnosed in 2011. We did not know anything about T1D. But reading about it made me, my husband and the grandparents cry. It is hard to read what could happen en to encourage an almost adult (18) to please take care of himself. This is an age when the think they can’t die. Worries every day. The tears slowly became less until we were called on holiday in 2013 that the youngest son was in the hospital also diagnosed with T1D. We cried our eyes out (is that good English?). And some days it is more difficult then others. I cherish the days nothing has happend and try to do the best I can…..but crying is healthy, so please do. Lots of love, Anouk from holland
if one feels the need to…..by all means; and if one does not…..by all means. Thanks for sharing.
Anouk its great English. Some days will be more difficult that other, and we all just hope there are more good days than bad. Agreed that all we can do is keep trying to do the right thing. Each and every day we all need to continue to learn. Keep showing your children the strength and love, and we’ll all make it thru this together.
My son (now 6) was diagnosed February 6th of this year. I haven’t cried yet. Not even in the hospital. Not even the first night in the ER when we were in fear of cerebral edema. I don’t know if I’ve just been bottling it up, trying to be brave or trying to be positive, but I haven’t cried. Now, let me add that my sweet boy has been absolutely AMAZING – not bothered by the needles, finger pokes, anything. He talks to anyone who cares to listen about his pancreas, his insulin, his blood sugar levels…even he has only shed a tear about it once, and that was because it was bed time, he needed an additional bolus injection and he was just over tired. But I haven’t cried. Sometimes I think it makes me strong and other times I think I must have lost all emotions and sensitivity to anything if I don’t cry over my first born getting diagnosed with a life long disease. I want to cry – get it all out, but it doesn’t happen. Maybe nothing is there to get out. We just keep on keeping on.
Thanks for writing and see how I responded to Janet’s comments.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you family’s approach. I think at least from my family’s perspective its some of the not knowing and being scared of what’s around the corner. I try to learn something new each and everyday. You all seem to just face it head on, and take charge. Talking about it, and communicating with others keeps you all on track. Keep rocking and staying strong. Together we all will beat this gnarly situation.
Hmmm… Right now, after reading this, I’m feeling a little… unfeeling?? I think the only time I’ve cried is at night, in the hospital at dx, while my son was sleeping. Okay, and maybe when we couldn’t get the CGM to work properly and he was fighting with us over it, daily (AKA – time to stop using a CGM). 😛 Maybe it’s because I feel that we have a really good support network which allows me to relax just enough to not freak out or get upset. IDK. But, it’s true. It’s rare that this happens to me. But, I do understand. And, hey… if it helps get out some frustration so we can move on, then, let it out.
I have said it a thousand times—–one way is not another’s….it is what is right for you. I had a mom tell me once that she did not shed one tear and never will……..if it works—-it works; period.
Thanks for writing.
My 22 year old son was diagnosed 16 years ago and I still have days where I can’t stop crying. That’s when I take a deep breath and thank God that he’s still here with us, relatively healthy with a dreadful yet manageable disease and hope that he will experience a cure during his lifetime.
you are the best mom in the world Kristi….good job and everything will be ok , count on your husband he will always be there for you
My daughter was diagnosed over 3 years ago. I still cry every day. It may not be the hard sobs I had the first 2 years but I still cry. She is doing fabulous but she is my baby. And knowing what she has to deal with and how hard it can and mostly likely will be in the future, makes me so sad. When she was born the song “My wish” by Rascle Flatts came out. I deemed this her song. It has more meaning than ever since she was diagnosed. I say yes it’s okay to cry. We want the best for our babies and while technology is getting better and a cure is hopefully near, it still just sucks.