It’s Your Fault Diabetes is in the House.

faultWhy did this happen?  Did you ever ask yourself that question (or in my case, what day have I not asked that question)?

“Well you know Tom, when God closes a door, he opens a window.”  What?
“Well you know Tom, God will never give you more than you can handle.”  The person who told me that inherited a fortune, has perfectly healthy kids, and has not had to work in the last 5 years.  I do not begrudge the fact but certainly easier for him to say that phrase than I.

I’m tired of being tested by fire on a daily basis.  I’m tired of observing others’ lives to show me that I really do not have it so bad.  But why do any of us have to deal with any of this?

I want someone to blame.  Or at least, something (fate, life, or whatever) to blame as if by doing so that will make anything easier.  As if it will make diabetes more palatable if I can pinpoint the reason it’s here.

Want to cause a riot in your house, try this.  “Honey I went through the genetics on both sides of our families and it seems our child’s diabetes comes from your side.” 

Let me know how that goes.  I haven’t done it but I know someone who did.   I’m not saying it started at that point, but they are now divorced.

So we can waste much time on the why or the how…..or we can move forward.  It is a choice we have to make.  I choose every single day to move forward.  I work toward trying to change something or build something every day.  If I spend my day to just “Not do Nothing” than my mind can stay fully busy and I do not have time to ask myself why. 

I don’t have time to think of ‘the why’ so I choose my time to try to make a difference….and in the long run…..that will help my two kids with diabetes so much more than feeling sorry for myself?

Why did diabetes come into your life?  Let us know.

I am a Diabetes Dad


14 replies on “It’s Your Fault Diabetes is in the House.”

Hah! I have asked myself that question every day for the last 14+ years! I wonder what I did to make God so angry that he punished my child. I ask why it’s MY kid that has to go through it. I ask what I am supposed to learn from this trial. I’ve asked my parents and my in-laws who has / had this disease? I think it is common nature to want to find someone / something to blame. (And I think it’s easy to blame ourselves!) And it IS because we think somehow it will make it more bearable. If only we knew the reason. But it’s here…and we have no choice but to deal with it….and learn from it…and teach others about it. Like you say, we can move forward. No, we HAVE to move forward! We need to put that energy we spend on trying to find a place for the blame on educating and surviving instead!

Tom, I spoke to you a long time ago about this….when the first child was dx…we wondered WHY?? Then, when the next one was…and since I was the only generic link…I was guilt ridden!!! IT WAS FROM ME!!! When the third one was dx…well, we had our answer…I was the WEAK LINK!!’ I know my husband doesn’t feel this way, but I can’t help it….thanks to a note from Dr. Ricordi, he eased my mind a little pointing to virus and studies, but the guilt is still there on the tough(er) days!

I’ve always struggled with this question when dealing with my own diabetes. I found a lot of comfort in reading Diabetes Rising by Dan Hurley. It didn’t give any exact answers, but it felt good to see how it MIGHT have happened and why it might have happened to me.

Well, we haven’t really talked about blame or fault for our son’s diabetes. But my husband just learned that he was misdiagnosed as a type 2, when he is actually a type 1/LADA. So…not something we will ever talk about out loud. We have never played the blame game on any issue, and we don’t intend to start now. I do wonder why us, but not in a blame sense. I just want to do everything I can to make sure both of my guys are healthy and around for a LONG time!

We have both thought it and wondered, but not something we will dig into. I don’t live with the guilt, yet the fear! I know I can’t change that end of the disease either. We focus a lot on creating a healthy lifestyle, not just for our D daughter, but our son as well. Tom, you have given us so much hope and positive thoughts when dealing with this disease. Thank you for taking that time to “not do nothing!”

I refuse to even begin to ask this question. Only because I know it’s going to lead to more questions and if there is one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that NOTHING is fair and NOTHING is untouchable. Even our children. I hate this but, it’s a fact. Life is hard in ever facet. My significant other says that I’m a pessimist. I say that I’m a realist. If I did ask myself why this happens, to my kid, or anyone else’s child regardless of the answer I get or come up with on my own, NONE of them will make me “feel” better about the reality of it. Blaming things or people will get you the opposite of what it is that we seek with this disease and it will only add to the confusion of it. Sure I’d love to know the “enviromental” causes of this aside from the “virus” but as to why it came to our house to live in our family, No one knows and frankly, I do not care. I know the truth and it is, $h!t Happens and you cannot make sense out of nonsense. I just try to teach my kid that everyday is new day and with all things new there will be challenges, failures and triumphs and there is no sense in looking back because we aren’t going that way.

When my oldest was dx’d, I blamed myself. My dad was T1 and passed away when I was 17 (he was 45). Thank goodness my husband has never tried to place blame. We just feel so blessed to have the amazing boys we have and D is just something that comes along with them. I would take the D away in a heartbeat, but I would never trade my boys.

In the hospital the diabetes educator told us it was two recessive genes that would predispose a person to getting Type 1 after something triggers it. What I got from that was that my husband and I had each passed along a recessive gene to him. He is the only one in the family with truly blue eyes, not greenish blue like the rest of us – blue eyes also require two recessive genes if I remember my Biology class. Type 2 definitely is in my lineage (my mom and my grandmother – not me yet – fingers crossed), and on Dad’s side (an aunt and her daughter) there is Type 2 and also Multiple Sclerosis (MS), another autoimmune condition. Whether the recessive gene theory is true or not, – I never checked it out anywhere else – it worked for us!

The blame game? My husband and I are both type 1 diabetics.. so when my older son was diagnosed (15 years ago) it was my worst nightmare. But I moved past the “I caused this” mentality quickly. I figure I have also passed along to him some healthy ways to deal with life and the curve balls that diabetes will bring to it!

Wow!!! that it is an incredible-odds result. Thank you for sharing this incredible, improbable, result of having both parents and a child with T1. Your attitude is inspiring—thanks.

n the mornings and get very upset for no specific reason.

I have a constant uneasy feeling of dread and nervousness.
Did my neglect towards my diabetes cause these symptoms?

Is there a specific way I can work with my diabetes to improve my mental health?

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