It’s the week of Father’s Day. Dads seem to get a bad rap when it comes to diabetes. For many, many people; as you read their stories or the posts about their lives, the dads are almost non-existent. But they aren’t. They are there.
Years ago I did a survey. It was a non-scientific survey. What I mean is that there was not a scientific-methodology to the survey seeking a hypothesis of results. It was just that it asked a whole ton of questions about the dynamics of diabetes in the family. It was just questions that I sought answers. One series of answers stands out more than any other. I asked moms and dads what was the number one thing you wished from your spouse. The moms #1 answer was that they wished their husbands would do more when it came to their child’s diabetes. Sound about right?
But here is the thing, the number one answer from the dads was that they wished their wives would allow them to do more with their child’s diabetes.
And there it is.
Many people have found a really good balance with their partner when it comes to diabetes in the home. I applaud the many who have achieved that as it is not an easy task to accomplish. Many feel that they have taken on the bulk of the work; and to many of those, it’s accepted. But there are still a number of people who feel that the bulk of the work is on them, and they resent that they get little help from their spouse.
This disease is hard enough for couples NOT TO BE in sync. Even the very nature of your relationship starts to fray at the edges while dealing with diabetes and not to be in agreement is NOT A GOOD thing. There is only one way to achieve this and that is to discuss it.
Never assume ANYTHING about diabetes when it comes to your partner. EVER. They do not know what is going through your mind. You do not know what is going through theirs. Even something as simple as ‘giving you a little break’. I’m amazed how often couples ‘leave all of this to chance’ that eventually you both will find your role. That eventually it will just fall into place. It won’t. Stay in contact with each other. Work it out together and you will survive it together.
Deal with it alone……………………….and you will deal with it alone. Even after five years of being ‘at it’, stay in touch. I think a relationship between a couple is their own business but the one piece of advice I can give, is about couples and diabetes. And you need to discuss it or it will sneak up on you………and THAT is not good for anyone.
Dads are there…..and not in all cases; but they DO want to help. They hurt, feel helpless, get angry, and in many cases……we feel the absolute helplessness of not making a difference. In some cases, our own fault. But if you could help change that……would you? Find a time to discuss feelings that is not in the heat of a disagreement. A glass of wine. A quiet night. A discussion.
You might be surprised at the results. I hope so.
I am a diabetes dad.
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