I received this letter recently that was written over a year ago. “Di’ shared it with me about two weeks ago. Read it, it says it all.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I saw the look in your eyes today.
I’m sorry that I did not have as much time as I would have liked to spend with you. It has been tough. Being told that your child has diabetes is something I never knew could happen. It is something that we could have never expected.
There is a list of things we need (and continue) to learn and learn quickly so we could take Susie out of the hospital and start this ‘new normal’ in our household. Michael is scared because he thinks his big sister is not coming home again, and Tiffany is just worried about her little sister. We have lost all track of time.
Seeing you both today, I just had to write a few things that I wanted to say but I could never get the words out right now. Raw is how I feel. The words would never come to me without completely losing it.
Balancing the kids’ feelings, Susie’s feelings, and trying to learn everything we need to know about diabetes is like a mountain a million feet high and wide and Chris and I stand at the base of it; not trying to figure the how, that is too hard; but rather where to even begin.
But we will.
You and daddy taught me to take on whatever is sent our way. You taught me to rely on each other as you did when we lost Mickey. I never understood that pain and still don’t as much as you both I’m sure; but my heart is truly feeling a pain that I never knew it could. When Mickey died, we were all crushed. We learned to cope, and to understand that ‘living forward’, as daddy always says; is the only way we can be.
One can never understand when it comes to your own child. I am so sorry that I never really understood how you both must have felt. Your pain must have been never-ending and you surely hid much of it from us.
It is now 3 am and I am awake. I just checked Susie’s blood sugar and she is not where I think she should be so I gave her a little insulin and will wait. She was so high last night, she pee’d the bed and she was so upset. Two nights ago she was so low that I gave her some food to raise her blood sugar. Always something, right daddy. 🙂
Mom asked me something last week and I wanted to answer her now that I could find some time to write this letter. See asked what you guys could do to help. I was shocked how much she learned in the last three weeks. I’m so thankful that you both think that you could watch Susie and Michael when we take Tiffany to regionals next week. It is so hard to try to balance everything.
I will call mom and work out some time to go over everything and leave Susie with you both for a few hours this week so you can at least not take on everything at once. I guess I am crying a little now; it is all so hard.
I am so grateful you are both in our lives. Being close as always been a strong point in our home, you taught us that we would need that some day.
Some day; is now here.
I need to recheck Susie’s blood sugar again and try to get some sleep. I’m no good to anyone fully exhausted. I have read on-line so many ‘grand parents’ who cannot cope with having diabetes now in their lives. You two have taken it head on. But that is how you do everything. I just hope that I can be half of what you were to all of us growing up; and be that for Susie.
Thank you (I probably should have said this more often and am now sorry I didn’t) so much for being there.
I love you,
If you have not written your parents lately, perhaps after this you might want to. “Living Forward”—-my new phrase for life. I love it.
I am a diabetes dad.
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