My mom worked outside the home in a career also; almost as far back as I can remember so the weekends were always full of much activity. When there are six kids that span only 7.5 years (with no twins) it could get pretty hectic in my house with one bathroom having a shower.
But we always got through the weekends and as with most people, it was my favorite time of the week because everyone was home.
Once our present household was turned on its ear after diabetes moved in; I remember fully going to the radio and turning it on each weekend with the hope that we would get to some sort of routine/ It was what I remembered as being ‘safe’. I went back to something that I knew. Over time it started to work and although diabetes was surely here; we as a family moved forward.
I spoke to a mom recently who just could not find the energy to move forward. When Rob was diagnosed I remember the phrase that Jill used; “I am angry and mourn another childhood stolen.” That phrase always stuck in my head. Surely our children are alive and active and that word ‘mourn’ just resonated with me.
The life as we knew it not for just one child but two would be changed forever. The reason why the word ‘mourn’ fit for us is that something was taken and we could not get it back. Why is that important?
I looked up the definition of mourn and found this: To feel or express grief or sorrow. It is important because mourn does not always have to be the death of someONE, it could be the death of someTHING.
People consider us to be positive and ‘up’ people. When disaster strikes, it is crucial to accept what faces you head-on. When diagnosis hit our home, we needed to take ourselves through the stages of what one would mourn.
Disbelief, anger, and sorrow. We could not stop at any one of these stages because what we were going through would have also stopped at that stage. We would end up in a rut. We needed to continue at life, if even in a mechanical kind-of-way. We needed to move forward.
Years and yeas ago I lost someone very special and dear to me. More than I could, or would, ever share here. I know what the meaning is to mourn when it comes to the death of someone who is so very close. What I learned at that time in my life was that the only thing that helped me get through all of it was allowing the process of mourning and learning to cope. Accept? no—-but cope.
It is getting to the ‘cope’ stage that is crucial for all of us to continue. Life goes on and does not care where we are. There is one shot in this life and since we CANNOT do anything with what life throws at us, we CAN do something with what we do with it.
When diabetes hit, twice; for us it was a time to mourn, a time to learn to cope, and a time to learn how to live life the best we can. It is hard sometimes. Heck, it is hard every time. But we must move on. For our loved ones, our children, and for ourselves. You know IT IS a wonderful life out there and it cannot be enjoyed unless we are IN it. Otherwise every single day will be spent in just unbearable pain. The death of a loved one, a stolen childhood, or the unfairness of life. We need to learn to cope with our loss, whatever it may be. It’s how we get there that challenges us.
Sometimes the first step is to do something simple……..like turning on a radio to hear music.
I am a diabetes dad.
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