Knowing Every Piece of the Puzzle, Sometimes, is Just None of Our Business.

PuzzleThere comes a point, in situations, when information given should be enough information received.  I have often found it interesting in this ‘instant information’ world how much people press for details.  But truthfully, there comes a time when more information will do little to change our individual world.

It is a given that when someone needs help, the internet becomes a great place to get the word out and get the word out quickly.  Someone is missing, someone is lost.  In these cases it is imperative to get the word out through as many channels as possible. What a powerful tool we have in today’s world.

Another means of instant sharing is when there is a death.  Whatever the reason.  It is shared and people within the community send condolences.  Our grandparents, parents, a loved one, and sometimes even a child.  When we hurt, it’s a wonderful feeling of comfort to know that there is a world out there who will care enough to let you know they are thinking about you.  It is why we ‘put it out there’ hoping that someone we know, even peripherally, will see it and let us know they are thinking about us.  Being comforted is a good thing.

I also think it is an important point to remember that the details ‘released’ of each situation are up to the family going through it.  They will decide to release facts and/or information they want or are needed.  Once they have released whatever it is they have shared, once they choose to share no more information……that’s it.   They are under no obligation to share anything more than what they choose to share.  They do not owe it to anybody.  It is not owed to us.

Sometimes there are many facts released (location, appearance, important info etc,)and, let’s say, there is resolution and someone posts, “The Child is Found and is Safe”.  That may be all we read, and truthfully, no more information is needed.

Now in as much as we may feel, or think, that knowing details ‘might’ help us in the management of our child, to make sure ‘it doesn’t happen to us’; honestly—-in all of those horrible incidents I have heard or read about over the years, not one fact influenced what I do/did with my kids living with diabetes.  Hearing about it was enough for me to go over my mental check list, as these incidents do, but no detail ever surfaced that made me say, I have to change everything.

We are inquisitive by nature.  We want to know so we can learn.  But it always must be understood that what a family chooses to share, or not share, is their choice.  Knowing every detail of why a child went missing, or details surrounding someone’s death, or even surrounding a horrific incident; keep your mind open, listen, and know that sometimes we do not NEED to know all of the details.

It’s a good thing to understand because I can tell you from much experience, many times the details will stay with the family because in all honesty; it really isn’t our business, is it?

I am a diabetes dad.

Please visit my Diabetes Dad FB Page and hit ‘like’.


4 replies on “Knowing Every Piece of the Puzzle, Sometimes, is Just None of Our Business.”

Absolutely believe that families have the right to decide what they will and will not share. However, when I read an obituary of a child and it says that death was due to complications from Type 1 diabetes, how can I not think about the why? If it read, death due to celiac disease, or ADHD, or asthma or to having red hair would not all those with those chronic conditions/characteristics want to know the why? There is no definitive response that I have seen from the medical profession on exactly why this happens. I have been thinking about since my own and my son’s diagnosis. I continue to wonder why 1) no information is collected post-diagnosis that might point to statistically relevant environmental/genetic/other factors that could be further researched to help pinpoint possible causes for onset, and 2) when there are untimely deaths due to having Type 1 diabetes, why is each case not reviewed to assess possible cause with the hope that by doing so we may possibly prevent such deaths in the future. If I were to die and it was determined that my death was caused by diabetes, anyone has my permission to ask the “why” question with the hope that any information gathered would be a step toward preventing another such death.

I agree with all that you say…..but the simple truth remains, in as much as you feel a right to ask is allowed; my point is that if a family chooses to say nothing, answer nothing, and address nothing….even if others are not happy about that; it is, and should remain, their right to do so.

I think it is important to differentiate between sharing knowledge/cause on social media or in an obit, vs. knowledge being obtained by medical review. Depending on the state, every unattended or unexplained death is investigated. That information is available, but is not necessarily linked to a specific person. It comes down to a right to privacy of the deceased and their family, and the decision to share that information is theirs alone.

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