I’m the one who always touts how we can live and should live a positive life. And I do; well mostly. But at this time, at this moment, I do not. I share much with you and at this time when I feel just how much I cannot stand this disease and I worry…….well I wanted to share this moment with you as well. It’s not always easy, is it?
It’s the enormity of it. Everything I fear in my two kids who battle this disease everyday. Did we ‘do it right’….inventory check. They seem to be doing well; working, living, and going to school. But are they checking their blood sugar each and every time before they get behind the wheel of the most powerful machine they will ever sit in and control?
Do they understand that a mistake can be a big mistake? Do they know how to make sure they will be okay? Are they dating someone who really takes this disease serious enough to do what they NEED and not necessarily what they want? What does life hold for them?
It all started over something small. Something, I am positive, others would say is silly. It was not a huge episode. Just something that made me see, again, for the millionth time. I opened the refrigerator to get some cream for my coffee and the two shelves labeled Bobby (with a note bearing his more mature request of Rob taped over it) and Kaitlyn written in marker. Permanent marker. Labeled over 5 years ago so we knew who owned what. Why were we given two kids with diabetes? Why? Why? Why? Why?
Why even given one?
I started to realize that my little girl, my little butterfly-kisses princess of two years old now twenty-four, could probably fill 50 refrigerators full of diabetes supplies that have passed through her body. I just stared at the two shelves.
I walked outside, took a deep breath. Twenty minutes sitting and looking at a majestic sky by our waterfall. Thinking. Dwelling. Done. And now it’s time to get back to work. Nothing gets done while crying about it. Working toward a cure, advocating, and/or whatever else being worked on does not get done by dwelling on things that cannot be different. By working on these things, though, can bring about change. Change is what we need.
So today, was not an easy day for me. I’m entitled.
I am a diabetes dad.
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