There seems to be so many things we feel guilty about when it comes to diabetes, isn’t there? In addition to blaming ourselves for the very cause of diabetes, as if we are really to blame, I have witnessed a ton of self blaming that is about as counterproductive a process as I have ever witnessed.
The biggest, and most, amount of blame seems to happen as one returns home from the 3-month-check-up. It goes something like this:
XYZ’s endo appointment is tomorrow and I am so sick to my stomach worrying about their A1C and that conversation.
The endo really gave to us today because XYZ’s A1C went up two points.
If I lived my life based on the 21+ years of A1Cs, I would have thrown myself off a bridge a long time ago. It has no impact on my life whatsoever.
I’ll say it again, it has been years and years since my child’s A1C has had impact on my life. I have not fretted over it, I have not been nervous about it, and I have not worried that a lecture was coming.
And neither should you.
I have also not whooped-it-up, screamed, or shouted when the number has been within a certain range.
Now hear me, I am not saying that it is a number that should not be given attention. But if my children try and try to do something (and for that matter if we do the same), and it does not turn out the exact the way they/we wanted——I give praise for the attempt just as much as the result at finish line. And to be quite truthful with you, in my opinion, diabetes gets too much power in our lives to allow everything that happens to be measured or based upon an A1C number—–4 times a year.
We get it. We look at it. We decide a next course of action; and we move on. If you are in a newly diagnosed household start NOW by not placing so much emphasis on the A1C as a report card. Take it for what it is; a tool in the diabetes toolbox to assist you in your everyday battles. Use it as the gauge and adjust as needed.
Failure. This too is another aspect in our world. There is so much to go wrong when trying to manage diabetes, isn’t there? We miss, we forget, we leave stuff in the wrong places, we forget stuff at home and people’s houses, we run out, we buy the wrong thing, we forgot that our child’s actions might have been due to their diabetes………………………….we are just so horrible, aren’t we?
Do you know the hardest thing to do in baseball is to actually hit the ball. The very premise of the game is the hardest thing to achieve. It is why you see averages like .289——that is based on an average to 1. You will only see someone batting 1.000 if they get up only once and get a hit. After that it is just a matter of time that the player’s batting average continues to plummet. Baseball is about who does better at….well….being bad; than actually being good—-if you think about it.
So give yourself a break. Stop beating yourself up over something that changes every day and has too many outside factors influencing so much. You are trying and you are trying hard. Go blame your spouse for not doing the dishes after dinner last night…….let them feel guilty for something for once.
My money is on you!
I am a diabetes dad.
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0 thoughts on ““This is My Partner, GUILT—–It Goes Everywhere with Me!!!!!!!””
Bettyann Marx says:
All of this is so true. My granddaughter is T1D. I stress and worry each and every single day about the numbers. When she spends the night with me and her numbers are going down but not low, I stress about what to do . Do I let her go low, which she does sometimes, and then give her something? Or do I give her a little something and risk her going high, which happens sometimes. It is a never ending battle between guilt, failure, and trying to do what is best for her. I struggle each time she spends the night, which is at least once a week. My oldest child died at the age of 9. Fear. Very controlling.
An incredibly eye opening comment…….thank you.
Mom T says:
I love the baseball analogy. I never thought of it that way! Thanks!
Thank you for adding your comment……..this is due, partly, to my ever love of the game. 🙂