Years ago, I organized this survey. It was not scientific but certainly the results were very note-worthy. Hundreds of people answered the questions and I learned a lot. I have written about this before but it is always worthy to bring up again to begin a healthy discussion.
Two questions of the survey had to do with the parents and their dealing with diabetes. The #1 answer from moms was, “I wish my husband would do more in helping out with our child’s day-to-day management of diabetes.” The number 1 answer from husbands was, “I wish my wife would allow me to do more in helping out.”
I jest-you-not. That is the 100% truth.
So how can that be? Today I am going to ask for your input. More and more Dad’s are asked to, and step up, in helping with the day-to-day management. You both need to talk about it. You need to open the lines of communication. It is not written, nor is it true, that moms have to take on all dealings with diabetes. But moms, you have to let your spouses in to help.
Discussion means just that…..discussion. When you are both calm. Not after a frustrating long day. And not ‘at’ each other but rather; ‘with’ each other.
I do not want the responses today to be all about how husbands who do nothing with your child’s diabetes. We will do that on another day. What I want is for parents to ask themselves if they have had a HEALTHY DISCUSSION with their partners about what happens next? Share those stories please.
Nothing should be assumed and I do not care if your child was diagnosed 5 years ago or last week; if this discussion has not happened——it needs to happen. We, like most families, were a two income family. Both had pretty good jobs in careers that could have gone places for sure.
Our discussion was regarding taking the chance of ‘finding’ the right person or becoming the right person for Kaitlyn’s care. Diagnosed at two—we knew we had a long road ahead of us.
This was discussed and we came to what would work for us and that is what we did. My point—–IT IS NOT EASY. But we discussed it and came to the realization on what WE HAD TO DO and we did it. Not one role was assumed. Each part was discussed and we discussed Kaitlyn very, very often. My point is if you are not discussing it—–YOU MUST. This is a big job and nothing should be taken for granted.
It should be a situation that is discussed and discussed often.
So the next tome you want to say something about your husband NOT DOING WHAT YOU THINK he should, ask yourself, “Have I ever even really sat down to discuss this?”
If the answer is “no”, sit down and do it. You will be surprised how much your spouse wants to do, but the parameters need to be set in a discussion and not in an argument.
Try it…..you might be surprised at the result. I would like to hear from those who are in a household where they have found THAT COMMON ground through discussion; how did you get there. Please share your stories with others and please do it here on this article’s ‘reply’ and not merely on the FB page where you saw today’s article so all can read what you share. Thank you.
EDITOR’s NOTE: Added after article was posted: I have heard from dad’s who stated they would like to hear what mom’s have to say so please if you want to make a comment—hit reply and do it with this article. If you reply to the FB page—only those on that page will see it. Thank you.
I am a diabetes dad.
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0 thoughts on “Sound Familiar: “My Husband Does Nothing To Help!!” Uhm……Have You Asked?”
Kim Armstrong says:
Hmmmm, how to start 🙂 I have been blessed with the best husband in all areas of our life, yeah sure we argue and we argue about our son’s diabetes care (but thankfully not a lot). When it comes to our son I do do the bulk of his care but only because I am a stay at home mum and I am good with that. But also in saying that my hubby knows exactly what is going on with our son, knows everything about our son’s care plan and will step in and “help” if needed. We always discuss any changes in our boy’s care, he usually does the bulk of the care at the weekend, including the 2am test, to “give me a break” 🙂 (and any other time that I feel it gets on top of me) It has always been an open subject to talk about between us since day one, and yes, we still get stressed about it but I actually think, especially after meeting a lot of parents of T1’s who do all the care without the help of a partner, that we are also quite relaxed with his care.
All I can say is talk, discuss, laugh, and cry about your children (even the non T1 ones) and the parenting does become easier.
And yes, I love my husband very much 🙂
A million times I have said it—-nothing replaces hearing from those living it——THANK YOU so much for jumping in.
I too consider myself lucky as the above poster. I too am blessed with A husband that helps out a lot and I know this isn’t the norm. He is very smart and does the adjustments of numbers to my daughters pump, I’m not good with that stuff so he fell right into that role right away. He also does late night checks as imho to bed early and he will do early morning checks, fills her cartridges for her pump, etc.. We will talk if there is a problem and fix it. If I have a problem or concern we talk about it right away.
Thank you for adding your comments.