Do you hear people differently now that you have a child with diabetes? How many times in the day do people say, “how are you?”
DO they really mean, how are you? Do they really want to hear how we are? Is it ‘new language’ for just plain everyday, “Hi”? If everything is fine, the quick answer of ‘Ok’ or ‘Fine’ allows the conversation to continue seamlessly. But what if you answer what really is going on? What if you tell them who died, who is sick, who lost a job; well, honestly, are they really asking for the rundown in your life?
Some people really WANT TO KNOW how you are, they really do. But in most case, I believe, it is a courtesy. It can be the same thing when asked how your child with diabetes is, right?
“How is XYZ doing with their diabetes?”
Do most people really want to know how they are doing, or are they asking hoping for some sort of ‘positive’ answer that will allow the conversation to continue?
“XYS is managing…..sometimes….”
“Good, glad everything is okay? What did you guys do this weekend?”
Does this exchange sound familiar at all to you?
I have come to learn over the years, who I know who is REALLY asking how my kids are doing and who is asking as if checking in on a weather report. Sunny? Great. Cloudy? Okay. Storm? Don’t want to hear it.
It used to frustrate me until I started taking mental notes on who was asking, REALLY ASKING; and who really is not asking but wants to be courteous. It was also a very important lesson for me to learn as well.
I learned that I, at times, could be just as I now see others. I really did not want to hear the whole story. Perhaps it’s just human nature. Perhaps we are too much in a hurry. Perhaps we have our own problems and do not want to hear about someone else’s mess. It was a hard lesson learned, Now when I ask, I mean it. If I cannot spend the time, I do not ask.
Of course some people wait for the ask so they can unload every problem under the sun to you. That’s a tough call as well. But for the most part when people ask, I answer and leave the closing of the sentence open-ended enough to answer questions, but closed enough that allows the person an out, if they ‘really’ do not want to hear more than ‘we are doing okay’.
And many times, the people who REALLY do not know, come up with the stupidest way to close the discussion. It has taken me a long, long time to let these comments just roll off me. I don’t get angry anymore.
“They will grow out of it I’m sure.”
“They are just watching what they eat, I’m sure.”
“You are used to it by now.”
“Two kids now, well good thing you had the first one, now you are experts.”
“Must be easier that one is out of the house.”
……………….and on……and on…….and on……and on.
So let it roll off you too. Learn now what took me years to do because it just does not get better. People will say what they want to say to make themselves feel at easy……and that’s okay. Just recognize it for what it is the next time you hear:
“Oh I know exactly, EXACTLY, what you are going through………………………my dog has diabetes.”
I am a diabetes dad.
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6 replies on “What is the Stupidest Comment You EVER Heard Dealing with Diabetes?”
Stupidest comment from an RN just hours ago: “Diabetics eat so unhealthy. They aren’t supposed to have kool aid and cake!”
Smartest comment: “Where there is life, there is hope!” I do not know the creator of the saying but it gets me through tough times.
Standard open ended answer to, “How are you?” and “How is your son doing?” questions: “Hanging in there.” If they really want to know they will press me.
If they don’t, the conversation stops. I started doing this because I will answer forthrightly (good or bad) if I am asked a question otherwise and I don’t suffer insincerity gladly. Good to now I’m not the only one who feels this way Tom.
I would have to say when my daughter was diagnosed years ago my mom would talk and compare her dog who had diabetes. It burnt me up at times as they were two totally different things.
Yeah, Canine and feline diabetes is usually poorly managed so the poor animals always feel like shit. We are lucky to have the current technology so we can control it better than animals. I always feel horrible for animals with diabetes, just because their BG is almost always above 250. They must consistently feel like shit.
The very first bad comment I remember was my son’s first day back at kindergarten after getting home from the hospital. We were on the play ground after school like we did every day and before he started playing we checked his blood sugar. A woman in scrubs who was also playing with her kids after school, noticed and asked how long he had been diagnosed. I answered. She said that really sucks, diabetes is so tragic. I’m a glass all the way full kind of person so I answered, “Well, there are things a lot worse.” I was thinking cancer or something like that. She replied, “I’m a pediatric oncologist; we cure kids with cancer every day. He’s going to have diabetes til the day he dies.” I was floored.
I’m like you where I see the positives in it all. I would definitely rather have diabetes than cancer or most other chronic diseases (ALS, MD, Cerebral Palsy…). I’ve also noticed that diabetics are much stronger emotionally than a lot of others. I am just so thankful we have the technology to better manage it. It could always be worse. Best of luck to you and your son.
I have been told a lot of different crap that really grinds my gears.
-One of the worst was my friend was sitting with me and was drinking a diet coke. Another friend told her that the sweeteners cause cancer and such. Immediately she said, “I would rather have cancer than be a diabetic”. She also had a friend that had cancer a few years back and she helped her through it. But she said this at that table knowing I am a diabetic.
–I’ve also had the friend that argues with you about natural holistic cures and western medicine is in it for money. They will say that until they develop a serious disease that can only be managed with western medicine. I know everyone knows someone like that, but I still can’t refrain from wanting to punch them.
-A “pre-med” sophomore in college that tried to explain to me that the average BG in humans is 200.
I could go on and on but I will spare you guys.