I recently have written articles entitled ‘Stolen Childhood’ and ‘Stolen Parenthood’ and today I add, Stolen Relationship to that list. It’s important to describe the meaning of the word relationship. If you are looking for any advice to help you along on your roadway with your spouse/partner; that will not be coming from me……I’m far from able to give ANY advice in that category. But relationships as a whole, we could address, and not to necessarily solve the problems but, at least, recognize the existence.
The truth of the matter is, no matter who we are when our child(ren) are diagnosed, it is impossible to go through something like that and not have it change us. We will change. With change comes the adjustment of the outlook that comes with it. There are two things to know when your child is diagnosed; you will change, and not everyone around you will change at the same pace—–or even at all. When we experience sorrow, we are opened up to knowledge that although not asked for, is experienced.
the English Poet, Lord Byron wrote, Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest……
Mourn can be the loss of anything and not necessarily the death of a person. It’s important that ‘mourning’ teaches us something that we never knew before……it cuts deep. But not everyone will ‘know it’ as we know it.
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard of relationships changing after a child is diagnosed. Your reaction and the people around you are not going to be symbiotic. In fact they could change more drastic than you think. Here is the take away here; diabetes is not your fault. It came. It took up residence. You are dealing with it. If relationships change, if relationships the way you knew them, are stolen from you, do your best to move on.
I’m sorry that it happens….but it does. People choose to either get closer or further away while you go through what you do. Did we lose relationships upon diagnosis, quite honestly, yes we did. But those who are our true friends, the bond only grew stronger and are with us still. It may be hard to say, so-and-so stopped being our friend because of diabetes; but a chain reaction can also take place that surely tests relationships in your life; and unfortunately—-yes; that includes the relationship with your partner as well.
No cute phraseology that I could write can make every relationship be as good as it was no more than making diabetes in your life go away. But by recognizing that relationships with everyone in your life will experience something that they may never have before, is the first step in both recognizing, and avoiding, some bumps along the way.
Sometimes relationships are meant to be let go. Sometimes relationships occur and/or get stronger. Sometimes there is nothing you can do about it. Sometimes you can do something about it. But stolen relationships will happen. You can not have others go through what you experienced, your way. You can stay focused on what you need to and let those who stay with you……stay with you……and if they don’t; I always believe that something else at another time in our life would have caused a departure anyway.
And that is important to know and remember. Any ideas when all of this gets easier?
I am a diabetes dad.
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