Guilt is a very dangerous phenomena in our world and we all need to be very careful at its existence. We will do some things wrong. Our kids will do some things wrong. But if diabetes was not part of your new normal, it would not have this incredible opportunity, according to our own selves, in screwing up. The result is that mistakes made; leads to guilt.
Now I don’t have the power to absolve you and I wish I did, but I do not. I cannot make your guilt go away with a wand that says, ‘poof’, and your feeling is gone; but I can tell you that you are blaming the wrong entity. The blame falls squarely, and fully, upon the shoulders of this disease.
I don’t care how small or how horrible the results were; the simple truth is, it’s not your fault. I have seen incredible parents just fall apart into a pit of despair, never to return, because something happened in their diabetes world for which they cannot forgive themselves. I have said a thousand times that no matter what happens in my children’s lives, I have to be able to look in the mirror and ask myself if I did everything possible to beat-up this beast called diabetes. After that, it is in God’s hands……plain and simple (according to my beliefs, yours may surely be different).
That is not a cop-out or a shift of responsibility; I have seen too many really great people crumble under the belief that THEY did something wrong when in truth, it’s the nature of this disease. The blame is on diabetes.
Good moms and good dads, falling apart because their child’s life with diabetes took a bad turn. And some turns are even irreversible. In as much as I cannot take away your guilt, I’m sharing that if you are dealing with something that you know nothing about, and are doing everything you can with what you know, how can you be guilty of anything that transpires.
Ever talk to a parent after their child is in a car accident? In many cases the same guilt appears. Would have, could have, should have; become very popular self-means of placing blame on our own shoulders. But it’s just not correct, albeit understandable.
If you feel you need to learn more, than do so. Education IS THE equalizer in diabetes. Learn all you can. But also know that this disease is a beast. And if this incredible guilty, helpless, feeling is monumental with you, just imagine what your child feels. How many mistakes do you think they beat themselves up for every singe day?
Again, I cannot take away how you feel, but cut yourself a break because you need to wake up tomorrow and get through the day. Diabetes does not take a day off but also does not deserve to lay guilt on anyone. It has done enough damage already, do not absolve diabetes from any of the blame it so richly deserves. Every single day starts out the exact same……with just one step. It’s up to you to take the steps afterwards…..if you don’t, diabetes wins every time. Don’t let it.
I am a diabetes dad.
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