It’s my fault!
If it were not for my side of the family, my child would not have diabetes. Sound familiar? I’m amazed how many parents actually walk down this roadway. I walked down this roadway. I have looked in the mirror, thinking what auto-immune disease is/was on my side of the family and said, “This is your fault”. As if the image in the mirror pulled out a gun and shot a person dead where they stood.
Truthfully, it’s about as counterproductive-an-exercise that exists on this planet.
Remember, “if, only”? You know that phrase. When there is a tragedy and we start thinking; “if, only the other driver was there a minute later”; “if, only they took their normal route home”—you remember these, right? The desperation to change the outcome if only we could. But we cannot. It’s done already.
The ‘my fault’ syndrome is in the exact same category. It’s too easy-a-trap to fall into because diabetes is already here. If diabetes was not here, you wouldn’t ask the question, would you? So why do it now? Do not give yourself another reason to beat up on your psyche, trust me that you will feel bad over many other things in this journey, absolve yourselves of this thought because even if you could prove it is part of your lineage that led to this diagnosis, the truth is that you cannot do anything about it.
The other factor is that it’s really never 100% any ONE individual’s fault so you can relax on that point as well. You see, T1 could have been in the lineage of both your spouse and you long before it even had a name. So the next time you start to feel bad about blaming yourself that your child has diabetes, find something else to do because this one is just a huge waste of your precious energy.
Now………who to blame about leaving the diabetes bag behind last night………..
I am a diabetes dad.
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6 replies on “Is it MY FAULT My Child has Diabetes??????”
Thanks for posting this! We are going on 16 years of Type 1 this September and I still find myself, on occasion, trying to figure what I did to cause it to happen. I can beat myself up pretty badly trying to figure out what I did that caused my child to have Diabetes. I know there are better things to focus my time and energy on. I think it is part of human nature. We want an explanation for things and I always start with myself. What did I do, what should I have or have not done to prevent it, etc.
Certainly easy to blame ourselves and most of us have been there, done that. Not so easy to shake but we still need to try; thanks for writing.
Until they find out WHY people develop this, I will always wonder if I did something unknowingly. I am a completer finisher, I can’t close the loop until I truely know why/how my son developed it. This question is there, and it will never go away until i get the answer, though i do try not to dwell on it. Instead I try to focus on the future and when items such as an accurate and painless BG tester will be in circulation and anything that makes the management slightly easier.
I would like to tell you that you didn’t; and I believe that you didn’t no more than we did either—–BUT your question is fair and a good one; until we know why—how would we know otherwise.
Point taken.
Thanks for writing.
I love your blog. thank you for always sharing your story so concisely and wisely. I have listed your blog under “links we love” on my website…hope you don’t mind!
Mind? I am honored. Thank you very much.