What a Horrible Parent!!!!!!

i am so badI am such a horrible parent!!!

Ever say that?  How could I have reacted in such a manner?

When Kaitlyn was a little girl, I stated to Jill that I should correct (or lightly discipline) her in front of my son, T.J. so he did not think she was getting all the attention. 

I waited for the right moment forgetting the warning Jill gave me: “Make sure you know her blood sugar number before you do anything.”

Sure, sure; I’m Diabetesdad (I am thinking) I got this no problem.    Kaitlyn was around 3  or 4 and TJ was around 6 or 7.

Bingo.  Opportunity.  I don’t even remember what it was that she did ‘wrong’ but I stated something like “Honey, you should not have done that”,  In a  loud but not screaming voice.  TJ was right there and I thought; “…. this is perfect.”

With that, Kaitlyn looked up at me; her lip started to quiver, tears rolled down her little cherub cheeks.
(Oh my God what have I done?)  The absolute unthinkable happened.
She pee’d all over herself.

The horror on my face could have been read around the world. 

T.J. ran into the kitchen and speaking at the same time as he grabbed napkins.  “It’s okay Kaitlyn honey, I’ll clean you up.”  He started wiping her down as he was telling her it would all be okay. 

I took her to her room and changed her.  I checked her blood sugar and of course she was over 400.

Mortified.  Paralyzed.  What could have possibly had possessed me to be such an incredibly horrid father.    WHAT DID I DO?

I could not shake it for weeks.  It took me a long time to come to the realization that a bad choice or an incorrect choice is part of this entire “new normal’.    If I beat myself up every time I made a wrong choice I would be dead by now from the wounds.  But that does not make it any easier. 

I know that I could say that we need to move-on after these incidents but because I say it; it does not make those feelings just magically disappear.  They exist.

Know this; we all go through these feelings.  They happen.  They happened before.  They will happen again.  Also know that if diabetes was not in your family; this would not be an issue.  So before you beat yourself up too bad, it won’t change anything.  Our ONLY choice is to learn what we can and apply when possible to make sure it doesn;t happen again.

But that doesn’t make it all better does it?

What has happened in your life that you can share?

I am a diabetesdad.


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