In this day of frights and scares, I wanted to share a story with you that changed my life living with diabetes at the time (and now times two). I was once asked, what do you fear the most about your daughter having diabetes?
After saying all of the obvious; going low, not being around when needed, having too much insulin etc. etc. the person asking me after each statement said; “That is not what you are really afraid of….what are you really afraid of?”
This went on for a while until I finally blurted out, “My fear is that she will die…..okay?” The person looked at me and we stared for a little bit, because I was shaking, and he smiled at me.
“Now, you can start to deal with it.”
The more we suppress something, the harder it is to deal with it until it consumes us. Saying that phrase will not jinx anything or ‘make it happen’. What happens next, after realizing that it could happen, is to learn to balance our fear to take the course of action to calm those fears. In our case it was education.
I have, after a long time with diabetes, have that fear placed in a compartment in my mind with a lot of other fears I have regarding our kids. Driving, fighting fires, responding in the dark of night, driving with diabetes, are just some on that list as well. If we lived with JUST THE FEAR of the things that scare us, there would never be time to do anything else.
Hear it again; IF WE LIVED WITH JUST THE FEAR OF THINGS THAT SCARE US, THERE WOULD NEVER BE TOME TO DO ANYTHING ELSE.
For me, I went a step further in facing this fear. I have shared this before—-should anything happen to my children, I need to be able to look in the mirror and know that I did everything I could to prevent that from happening.
I look in the mirror a lot.
Whatever it is that I feel is lacking, I push myself to the limit of making sure whatever is needed gets done. Education, instruction, correction, discipline, hugging, and whatever else I feel I have to do to relay a peace to my kids, I do.
This is not an easy thing to discuss. As I write this, know I am AGAIN asking myself if I actually believe it? It would be safe to just write about fluff and stuff but this is a serious disease. I have never taken the easy road when it comes to the possibility of teaching others even if it is revealing a part of me that I do not readily do. It’s not easy to discuss what ‘could’ happen to my kids.
But there is a very important side to this discussion and it is this: If we have a fear and we do not have diabetes—imagine what our kids WITH diabetes feel. What? You do not think they think about it? THAT would be an error.
So in as important as it is for you to understand the feeling and ‘grasp it’, it’s more important to instill in your children the same thing. My kids to not walk around with doom and gloom in their lives. They have been given the tools necessary to understand and live life to the fullest degree……and they do every day.
Anything in life CAN happen but I dwell on what will happen. Fate can step in at any time and completely turn our lives upside down. When my kids were diagnosed, it did just that. When my kids were in car wrecks, so did that. When they were hospitalized, so did that.
My point. We moved on. If you cannot deal with it or accept it, find a means to cope with it. Whatever it takes.
My kids are living in lives of incredible opportunity and the world is at their feet to conquer as they see fit. THAT is the attitude I have always wanted them to have and it began with me looking in the mirror and accepting that every single second of my life was going to be full of the positive-ness of what is around us. To understand that, I needed to face the fear I have and let it know it has no place in our household.
I’m not always successful at that and on the days I do not….I move on as quickly as I can. LOOK AROUND YOU. I enjoy the so many families I have come to know and love in this diabetes community who empower me with they strength and power to not only move forward but to do so helping so many others.
Energy begets energy…..which energy that is, negative or positive, well that is your choice……isn’t it?
Get ‘scary’ out of your life and leave it for Halloween…….life is much more fun that way.
I am a diabetes dad.
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(Editor’s note added 10/31….it seems that the word “FEAR” I chose is the logo for a rock band; it was not done intentionally and nothing I wrote reflects any opinions or feelings of the musical group FEAR—I apologize if there is any confusion.)