Who gets you really pissed off? You know, the person you see coming and immediately the hair on your neck stands up. Here they come. Get ready.
And why is it that in most cases those situations do not disappoint us? It goes exactly as you thought…..they piss you off?
Well if I had an arm-load of degrees after my name I would tell you that there is some sort of science that goes along with getting what you expect out of a situation. If you go into the situation ‘looking-for-a-fight’ (as we used to say), you will get just that….a fight. But I don’t have a ton of psyche-education-initials after my name but I can tell you that in my own experiences, many times, I get exactly what I’m looking for and I have taught myself to try to fight that grain.
One of the first things I try to do is listen more. There is a great scene in Field of Dreams when Ray (Kevin Costner) ask Terry (James Earl Jones) what he wants? Terry goes into this long tirade of wanting to be left alone and people to think for themselves and Ray says, “No, I mean, what do you want?” And he indicates toward the concession stand to which Terry responds after some thought……”a dog and a beer”.
Listening is the first step I take because I have learned that words are not meanings in all cases. Frustration, what is happening, the day is a mess already, the night was awake,…….all can come through in someone’s first ‘hello’. Sometimes it’s not ‘us’ at all….it’s what others are presently dealing with that drives their emotion.
I have a friend who I really only speak to online, well mostly. I use this phrase that I have called 1dt……..it stands for one-dimension-type. When looking at words on paper, is entirely different from what we hear in conversation. The opportunity to misunderstand a word or phrase by merely reading is so much higher than hearing a word spoken.
I’m not a great fan of text messaging. Of course my feelings are so much stronger since my daughter’s head-on collision while the other driver was texting a few years ago, but in general, ‘pick up milk’ is one thing; an entire conversation by text never made sense to me……pick up the dang phone and talk.
While you are at it, when dealing with those who interact with you child and their diabetes; school nurse, doctor, diabetes educator, registered dietician and even your spouse/partner; try having a conversation and not ‘talking at them’. Hear them tell you where they are at, as well as explaining where you are. You may be much closer than you think. Hear, don’t just listen.
And even further consideration is your child. DO not be so quick to tell them what they are doing wrong until you get on the same page with them……food for thought.
Words are funny in both how they are spoken and how they are taken. Take the time to understand that words on their ‘own terms’…….are not conversation. Try adding the humanity to spoken words and listen carefully and while you are at it; why not SPEAK to someone today.
Maybe they will take you to lunch and YOU can order; “……a dog and a beer……”
I am a diabetes dad.
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