Now I know I’m absolutely skating on thin ice here at the deepest part of the pond, but I found myself asking a question based on recent observations. It seems that with the recent and ever-growing use of technologies to manage day-to-day diabetes; dads/spouses seem to be playing more of an active role than before…..has anyone else found that of late?
Now before I get beat up; let me say that I also know that there are many cases that dads do most of the care and also many who ‘chip-in’ equally. THAT is not to whom I am referring.
But I also know there have been times that we dads…..well……don’t/didn’t do as much as we should.
Now I know there are still many dynamic-hurdles needed to be jumped, but I have noticed a lessening of posts, comments, and meetings of how little the spouses are doing…….and those of us who have been around a few years know that there used to be quite a bit; methinks.
So I had two thoughts. And remember that these are just ‘over-all’ observations and just that–observations. Is it that dads are doing a little more helping with the care or is it that moms have better things to do than ask advice of one not willing to help?…….or is it that my observations are completely off the mark (which surely could be the case as well).
I asked a few people privately and they informed me that, indeed, recent technology has engaged some of the husbands/spouses more…..so I thought I would ask.
I’m asking your opinion more of an observer of the conversations out there rather than just an individual reaction. Anyone have any thoughts on this subject as an overall observation? Inquiring minds want to know………okay……I want to know. 🙂
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9 replies on “Walking Thin Ice Here…….Are Dads/Spouses Doing More In Day-to-day Management??????”
In our particular household, we have 2 girls with T1D and hubby works while I’m at home. I am in charge of the T1D care overall and this is how I prefer it. He is not as good at it as I am because I’m in the war zone all the time with Diabetes. Hubby has his role such as helping with cutting the tape for pump site changes and some carb counting, etc. but I really prefer to be in charge. I can’t complain if he doesn’t “do” more because I have effectively closed those doors in a sense by taking care of everything. Maybe I have Diabetes OCD? lol.
Shout out to all diabetes dads out there rocking it out and lending a hand! My husband is awesome and he really has the potential to be even better regarding our daughters diabetes care. The thing is that I’m a stay at home mom and our daughter is always with me. I do about 95% of her care. He of course knows and will change her pump and dexcom site and he does a great job doing so. He has been very hands on and open to the changes of it all. Now, by the time he gets home from work I’ve got things handled and well in order to let him rest, if she needs night time checks I’m the one to do them. I will add that when we started up night scout he handled that for me because I was really having a hard time figuring it out. Actually our kids were both recently sick and I just needed a nap I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. When I woke up my daughters pump and dexcom site were change and done “well”. He knows I’ve got this but steps in when I need him.
In our case, my wife has been the primary caregiver. Our 16yo son has had t1d since he was 2.
In our case, my wife works PT and I work full time. There is no doubt in my mind that I could manage 100% of the t1d responsibilities if put in a position where I had to. But I know the burden and I am so grateful that I have a wife that can manage all that is involved: The technical (carb/insulin. insulin sensitivity adjustments), the financial/insurance management, the doctor appointments, the supplies/meds inventory, the communication and documents required for school and the community interface (volunteering, outreach, etc.). Regarding the monitoring of our son’s t1d and our communication with him; that part has, over the years, moved back and forth like a pendulum from her to me. With the exception of the early years when she kept her baby close, like most moms do.
My advise to newly diagnosed parents, let one parent be THE manager, the other the Assistant Manager. It’s too difficult to co-manage any job. Then my advise to the manager, clearly communicate what you need from your Assistant Manager. Don’t assume that they should know how to best help you. My advise to the Assistant Manager, know as much as you can about the Manager’s job.
God bless you all.
Another DD
I was the only care provider for the first 11 months after diagnosis because dad needed more time to “wrap his head around it” . I complained alot while i was overwhelmed & fatigued. We have now had the Dex share running for about2 weeks and dad seems to want to be more involved. It’s hard to askfor his help and he attended only 1 of the 5 required classes about my son’s care and frankly he doesn’t have a clue as to what to do.
I was the only care provider for the first 11 months after diagnosis because dad needed more time to “wrap his head around it” . I complained alot while i was overwhelmed & fatigued. We have now had the Dex share running for about2 weeks and dad seems to want to be more involved. It’s hard to askfor his help and he attended only 1 of the 5 required classes about my son’s care and frankly he doesnt have a clue as to what to do.
As parents to our twin teenage sons, who both have T1D, my husband and I share the responsibilities; however, I feel we have specialty areas that play to our personalities.. We both work, but he is able to work from our home most days. As a linear INTJ, he is excellent at calculations, tabulations, and analysis of the statistics of it all. I’m a researcher, communicator, and educator by profession so I handle those type of components. The boys are 14 now and assume many of their own responsibilities with us as overseers, but when Will was diagnosed at 5, I was a stay-at-home mom, and so I always got up at nights during the week so my husband could get work sleep. Everything else has always been shared from the outset. He has always wanted to be enmeshed in it all, and as a son raised by a single dad, it wasn’t even a second thought to him that he would take an equal part. When I returned to the classroom, we shared the overnight duties equally, and as the boys have grown older, they definitely go to him more for site issues and questions. As for the technology aspect, I can’t speak to that in that we are both fairly technologically savvy. I still think so much of it is dependent on personality types and strengths, so many different family dynamics can work. Regardless, it is an overwhelming job. It was overwhelming for both of us for 7 years with our one son, and since Zach was also diagnosed in 2013, we fight to maintain a balance of thorough care with “normalcy.” Both boys play high school football and basketball, so it is actually a 4-person job at this point, but it is one we cherish as it keeps them healthy and active. Great topic!
Overall I still see posts roughly 99% of the time from mothers. That is part of why you are so special. Thank you for being in that 1% and being a shining example to D Dads.
Our 15 yr old son was diagnosed almost 2 years ago with T1 – my husband and his Dad was diagnosed aged 6 – given he has all the experience and expertise in this field, in our instance it is Dad that assists with 90%+ of the diabetes management – Mum is the learner in this regard… But for everyone I think we can all agree it is how our kids are coping themselves that is key – and luckily our Sam has taken everything in his stride amazingly
Unfortunately my sons dad has nothing to do with his diabetes my son was diagnosed just over 2 year ago he was told to contact the nurses etc for training but he hasn’t bothered when on the very odd occasion he asks to take him I end up being the mean one having to say no I’ve tried telling him what to do and when but he tells me it doesn’t matter and walks out it doesn’t bother my son now so it doesn’t bother me either its his loss however a new issue is my son has recently started to go out with a friend and a few times his come in and said mam my bloods might be high cos a seen dad and he bought me a Dr pepper and sweets I ment to come back for insulin but a forgot a was to busy playing he is 9 years old I’ve asked his dad to bring what he byes him here so I can give him the insulin but he won’t listen to be honest he’s a waste of time and energy I’m aware not all dads are like this and I have a lot of respect for those dads that do a great job **well done yous are fab** guess I was just unlucky