Encouragement Vs. Correction……Which Do You Choose with your Child?

two roadsI remember a commercial from years ago.  Two little kids are seen bring a breakfast tray full of goodies for their mom to have breakfast in bed.  She just loves the fact that the children thought of her.  The kitchen, of course, looks like a bomb hit it.  But the sincere generosity of her kids trumps the mess she knows she is about to clean.

Everything in this battle is about choices and balance.  Which means at any given time we have decisions to make.  When it comes to our kids, if you get any measure of success, you truly need to encourage it as much as possible if you ‘want’ to see more.

Imagine the delight when we knew that Kaitlyn was carrying around ‘back-ups’ on her own.  Years ago, of course, but I remember seeing items in her school bag that we did not put there.  She was making correct choices.

We, sometimes, forget how very observant our kids can be.  They watch everything and notice everything.  They will, at some point, start to put things together in their minds and may not get it exactly right in the beginning.  I sometimes think that we are faster to correct what they are doing wrong than to encourage what they get right….and we need to be better at the encouragement.

Kids do not think like we do; and we should not expect them to.  If our children decide that they should carry around something in case they go low, they may not actually think to go and get when they need it.  They may be in the car and say, “Mom, I feel low”, before they even realize that they have already prepared for the situation.  They may not put those two pieces of the puzzle together in their young minds just yet.  So do you get on them for not thinking of that, or do you congratulate them for remembering to bring it.

These ‘teachable moments’ happen all the time but we miss them because we are too fast to see what is ‘not’ being done instead of what ‘is’ being done.  Keep an eye out for them and ‘connect those dots’.

“……..you feel low honey, what did you do today before we left to help with that?”  Can work so much better than, “…..why are you asking me, I don’t understand that you just don’t think.  You need to grow up a little bit.  Look in your bag.  YOU put them there.”

Now those two sentences may not seem ALL THAT much different.  But your kids will pick up on your tone and EVERY one of your words; encourage them at each turn you can; it will pay off in the long run.  The kitchen can always be cleaned up, and the lessons can be incredibly valuable if you choose the correct path; which in the long run will pay off so much higher than a temporary means of blowing off steam.

I am a diabetes dad.

Please visit my Diabetes Dad FB Page and hit ‘like’.

 

Next Time Your Child ‘Gets it Wrong’……..Remember this!!!!!!

yelling at your kidHave you ever just stood back and watched your child?  I do not mean while managing t heir diabetes or sleeping, but rather, being involved in an activity that takes their full focus.  Have you ever really watched them…….’participate’?

I hear so much about the modern-day tools for management, and the hope for a cure, and the many, many activities for fund-raising and advocacy; diabetes this and diabetes that……..but I invite you to stand back in the very near future and just watch your kids, be kids.

Now that may sound like a silly thing to say and of course we all know this……right?  Do we really?   There is something to be said for taking the time to just realize the resilience we wish we had, the focus one can envy, and the energy we all think we once possessed………and our kids do it all with diabetes.

Know this, and understand this, WE DO NOT HAVE IT.  We truly, have no idea what it is like to live life in their ‘first-person’.  Yes, as parents we observe a lot and react to much but remember that for 24/7 they have this and yet, they do what they do.  Just think about it…….I find it amazing?

Now add to that; they play hockey, baseball, play outside, sing on stage, play the school band, excel in studies, participate in activities, are a part of scouts, participate in their church group, advocate, fund raise, educate, learn, and on and on and on and on.

Remember this the next time they may ‘do something wrong’ in their day-to-day management.  It’s easy to yell, or be stern, at them all the times they ‘get it wrong’, but here’s the thing——this is not, ‘clean up your room’.  I get that we ‘are doing this’ for their benefit.  But never forget that this is a life changing disease for them that, every now and again, they deserve a break from—–well, at least our chastising……..don’t you think?

Think about it.

I am a diabetes dad.

Please visit my Diabetes Dad FB Page and hit ‘like’.

 

Low Reaction and One Mom’s ‘Must Have Item’ May Surprise You!!!!!

going lowWhat happens when your child experiences a hypoglycemic reaction?  I have written before the importance of being prepared by having ‘practice runs’ and not waiting for the actual incident to know what to do.  Know where everything is and utilize expired glucagon to actually mix it and be ready.

What you also need to know that is if your child experiences an extreme low and you treat it with or without glucagon, your child will not just ‘pop’ up and be ready to go.  Think of the last time you were drunk…..that is sort-of what your child is feeling.  The recovery time after treatment varies with each individual but know that it takes 15-30-45 minutes until they star to react to what you give them.

The other thing to remember is that, depending on how bad the low reaction is–and depending on how it was treated, the rest of the day and maybe even the next could be shot also.  It is so different in each individual but know that recover time is important to understand and your child’s may differ from someone else’s in quantum leaps.

So when treating a low, give it some time.  Know that your child’ state of mind is altered.  They may (and probably will) say things and do things that they do not mean and in most cases will not remember after the incident has passed.  I call on others to chime in today about what you have noticed about treating our child’s low reaction that might help others?

One mom told me once that she always had a bottle of wine that never got used and was strictly for a hypoglycemic reaction.  I was puzzled as she shared this point and I was extremely interested to know why she had it and what it could possibly be used for in this type of emergency situation?

She answered with a smile, “…..it is for after the incident passes, and it is for me.  If after I get through it, I do not want to find that the only wine I like; we are out or have none.  So tucked away is “my bottle” which is as ready for me afterwards as the glucagon is for my child.”

Who was I to argue……………..honestly, I now have one too.

I am a diabetes dad.

Please visit my Diabetes Dad FB Page and hit ‘like’.

 

Parenting? Diabetes? Anyone Receive THE Manual Yet?

ManualI am fairly sure that all of us, as parents, are well aware that we will become pretty stupid at around age 13 of our child’s life; and will stay that way until 20-ish-something.  It’s a rule we all understand and accept……we were no different.

At some point they begin to realize that we are not as stupid as they thought and this world is much tougher than we let on.  They begin to understand that we are human.  We love, we hurt, we want affection, we bleed, and we also will not be here forever.

The longer diabetes is in your household, the longer ‘all-of-that-diabetes-police-stuff’ is also.  I have never been a small guy…..as I look back I know that my daughter with diabetes doesn’t remember me laying across her body to stop her from fraying all about as her mom tried to get insulin in her; they do not remember the sleepless nights; the running down to the kitchen and back again (repeated as needed); the allowing them to be angry at us;…….well you know the drill.  It’s good that they do not remember many of these things……isn’t it?

But we also were a royal pain in the butt as well, weren’t we?  At every turn we were there to remind them, harass them, give them what they need as they went along all the pathways of life.

We were there.  It’s what we are supposed to do.

I just wonder if there will come a time that they will completely understand what made us do what we did to them and for them?  It is the same as what we did to, and for, our kids without diabetes I guess.  We did what we did because we love them.  And when you start with that, and end with that……..I guess it’s a good foundation to have.  In either case, diabetes or not, someone forgot to deliver THAT ‘how-to’ manual to our doorstep.  Did you get one?

We do the best we can with what we have when we have it……………….with a lot of love…………………..with a lot of hope……………………with a lot of prayer.

I am a diabetes dad.

Please visit my Diabetes Dad FB Page and hit ‘like’.

 

A Final Hug…….Do You Remember Yours?????

HugI admit it, I am a hugger.  If you’re a friend……you get a handshake and a hug.  I also can tell you exactly when it started.  Well not the date, but the incident.  I was in my twenties.

Growing up in my house was pretty formal.  Addressing adults or those in the medical profession was always by “Yes/No, Sir”; or “Yes/No ma’am”.  Answering with a ‘yeah’ was met with swift punishment.  No big deal…..just always did it.  I was at the hospital today and in speaking to the doc, she surely heard that same respect.

We always would kiss my mom good-night, but dad got a hand shake.

My brother had just graduated from the police academy…..well, actually he may have been on the force for a little bit.  But he came over to visit one day and when he approached my dad, he gave him a handshake, a hug, and a kiss on his cheek. My dad was surely taken aback but my brother just said, “Some day we all may wish we are around to get one of those so that’s the way it’s going to be moving forward.”

And so it was.

My brother was faced, a few times, with incidents in police work where that prediction could have come to pass, but thank God, it never did.

I have always hugged my boys and I give them a kiss when I see them.  TJ is a big kid (well at 27, kid is a relative term) and I asked him once, a long time ago, if he felt like people watched and/or cared about it.  He answered very simply, “You’re my dad, anyone thinks anything about it, the problem is theirs.”  And it was never talked about again.

I like the TV show, Chicago Fire.  Toward the end of the episode this week, one of the leading characters hugged his dad.  And hugged him tightly.  I got a tad emotional because at that moment I was served another reminder that since my dad died on March 16th, 2009 I have truly missed my hug and a kiss from him,

I am so grateful that the night before he died, the last time I saw him, I hugged him, kissed him, and told him I loved him—–and he did the same to me.  We did it because my brother was right years ago, “Some day we all may wish we are around to get one of those ………”.

Amen.

Hug someone today, I can tell you; we just never know……………………..

I am a diabetes dad.

Please visit my Diabetes Dad FB Page and hit ‘like’.

 

A Gorgeous Face that Will Change a World……..She Will Never Know!!!!

ReeganIt is my sincerest hope that this gorgeous, and beautiful face, will change the world that she will never see.  This is Reegan.  In 2013, at the age of 16 months, Reegan lost her battle on a diagnosis that was never known.  By time that diagnosis was discovered, the damage was done and eventually Reegan lost her battle and passed away.

Reegan’s blood sugar was up over 1100.

I have written before about the many people who have faced such incredible hardship, such incredible obstacles, and yet, still stood up to say that diabetes WILL NOT DO in this world.  Especially when the rest of the world would fully understand if one just crawled in a hole due to the incredible amount of pain.

But to Reegan’s mother, Darice, DIABETES JUST WILL NOT do.  She is trying to make sense out of why such a beautiful child was taken so young.  Darice is a strong woman, a woman of faith.  She cannot do anything to change what has happened, but she is on a mission to make sure it never happens again.  Her Reegan’s Rule will attempt change in her home state of North Carolina……..and THAT is only the beginning.

Darice and I spoke, at length, and I’m convinced that my Child’s Cry for Change initiative about educating the world about flu/virus symptoms masking the onset of Type 1 Diabetes; and Darice’s Reegan’s Rule have the exact same objectives and we will join together to making a difference in Reegan’s name.

I have followed up on Darice’s contacts and reached out to the Legislatures in North Carolina who are taking Reegan’s Rule to their Capitol.  Reegan’s Rule will get larger in scope as we include various education initiatives in Reegan’s name under the Reegan’s Rule banner, that makes sense to do.

I will continue this mission and will continue with Darice and her family.  If we can get it done in North Carolina, we can get it done elsewhere.  I will continue working with others like the National Association of School Nurses and others.  More will follow, and if you want to get involved, send me an email at tkarlya@drif.org.  If you want to help their family NOW, sign this petition to get a law passed for kids to be tested at check-ups.  It’s a start; and much more will follow.

We need to do anything we can to make sure flu/virus like symptoms are not masking the onset for T1 Diabetes (or even for T2 Diabetes).  A diagnosed cannot be missed while a child is in DKA when it is mistaken for the flu or a virus.

We will do all we can to change that in this country.  It might be a law, it might be an initiative, it might be a movement…………………….but IT SURELY will be: 
Reegan’s Rule!

I am a diabetes dad.

Please visit my Diabetes Dad FB Page and hit ‘like’.

 

No one……NO ONE…..Can DO it for YOU!!!!

up to youHow bad do you have it…….really?  The next time you feel like the world is collapsing around you, you have two choices.  Get it…..or it gets you.  There have been millions of families who have dealt with a diagnosis of diabetes and their kids play hockey, climb mountains, excel in school, become class officers, help in their community and do so much more.  How are you handling it?

When my second child was diagnosed, someone said to me, “….. my prayers will be that some how you find a way to cope……what will you do?”  I did not have to think for a second.  We did what we did when the first child was diagnosed.  We did all we could to own this disease and most important; to teach our kids how to own it.

Sure; I was so angry I could have put my fist through a wall [I did, actually :(  ].  I was mad as hell.  I was hurt.  I thought it unfair….completely unfair.  It-just-plain-sucked!

But there is too much to do.  People spend a great deal of time and energy walking around and feeling so very low.  If you need to do that….do that.  But at some point, you need to reevaluate and get this diabetes-thing under your control.  You need to get back in there…….and…….do!!!!!

There are so many people out there who have lost a child to this disease.  Some of them have created foundations, initiatives, and worked on other’s behalf to help them cope.  It will NEVER BE okay for them; but they have tried their damn-est to cope with the horror that has befallen their family.

Cope.

If those individuals and families try so hard to make sure what happened to them does not happen to someone else; who am I to feel sorry for myself for any length of time?  Yeah, we all have our moments.  But doing nothing gets nothing results.

I’m so amazed when I hear people’s list of excuses why they cannot spend the time to learn for their own child, and/or do something to help in the so many diabetes causes out there; and I see so many others who have lost a child doing so much.  I’m humbled by that daily.  We all should be.

Just don’t do nothing!  What will you do today?  Begin or stay feeling sorry for yourself?  Your call!!!

I am a diabetes dad.

Please visit my Diabetes Dad FB Page and hit ‘like’.

 

Why Do Some Have Wonderful Doctors…..While Others……..??????

love my doctorDid you ever ask yourself why others seem to have the doctor from diabetes’ heaven and others leaves you scratching your head?  In my years, I have never been able to figure why there are such differences out there, but there are.  But it is not always just about the doctor.

What I do know.

Without a shadow of doubt there is NO QUESTION on the importance of the medical team who treat our children.  I also know that the more we know, the better advocate we can be.  There is surely a difference between challenging your doctor while being informed and merely asking questions about something that may result in better management care for your child.

There is a difference between asking should my child be on insulin pump and stating; “I think this about pump ABC and Pump XYZ; but I also feel ‘this’ about the new insulin pens out there, what do you think?”

Which seems like the better approach to you?

In 1999 when Kaitlyn wanted to go on an insulin pump, we did our homework, and not only were we ready; we informed our doctor that we wanted to wear a pump also (filled with saline) so we knew exactly what it was like for her.  We were that determined.  (and we did, btw)

If there was any resistance in the past, it was now gone.  And away we went and it changed the entire practice as they became one of the leaders in insulin pump therapy in this area.

If you look to your medical team for answers and have done no homework, you will receive nothing but their advice to consider.  Good as that may be, if you do your homework, you can ask questions about what you have found out and the BEST approach moving forward as a joint decision.  You have one patient (unless of course you have more than one child with T1), they have hundreds.  Know what is best for YOUR patient, in your opinion; and discuss.

There is not ‘just one’ of anything anymore and there are certainly more than one approaches to diabetes care.  Educate yourself and you will be much better off in the decision-making process for the proper day-to-day management of your child.  And if you have tried everything you can and your doctor is not on the same page; look around for another.

No one else will do it for you………………………start today.

I am a diabetes dad.

Please visit my Diabetes Dad FB Page and hit ‘like’.

 

Buying Diabetes Devices???? Don’t Be So Quick….It’s a Business.

kick-the-tiresNo matter what decision may be facing you in this diabetes world, know this; the decision has been made before by others.  Is anything really that new and/or so unique in this world?  If the connection of social media has taught us anything, it has taught us that someone out there has gone through what we are going through.  And in many cases they are willing to help.

In the case of diabetes supplies, know this—-there is huge competition out there to gain your business.  For a second, well try anyway; take all of the emotion out of the equation.  Look at your child’s diabetes as if it is a business.  Because from a consumer/supplier point-of-view it is SURELY JUST THAT!  Don’t let that scare you, use it to your advantage.

Do you ask one person about buying a car?  No.  You ask a bunch.  You investigate. You go online and you kick the tires of more than one…….right?

Why, when looking to purchase a device, would anyone take just one person’s  ‘say-so’ on such an incredibly important decision?  And the one person YOU SHOULD NOT leave out; is the sales team for the device.   Cell them directly.

From a business perspective, they are going to make tens of thousands of dollars from the device you are about to buy.  If you walk into a car dealership and tell them that you are completely sold on their car, you like it, you investigated it, and you know you want it: and follow-up by asking them to give you great price——forget it.  You already tipped your hand.  And any sales person knows it.  Don’t give away the house.  Don’t tell them you are all set to buy or you will get nothing ‘extra’ whatever that may be.

And the same if you are ready to ‘renew’.  If you ever leased a car, YOU KNOW they are contacting you long before your renewal due date ready to make a deal.  I went into my phone dealer and said I was ‘thinking’ about my plan, and looking around (and I have been with the same company for twenty years).  They threw in the newest version of the phone for free and topped it off with a 20% discount EVERY month if I would stay.

Say nothing…………………get nothing.

Diabetes supplies are the same thing.  Sure there is only so much sales reps can do but know this; they do this ALL THE TIME.  They know the ins and outs of insurance, doctors, prescriptions, deductibles and THEY DEAL WITH IT ALL THE TIME.

Annnnnnnnnnnd they want your business.  So call them and speak to them about your concerns and see how their company can help solve your problems.

Always shop first and see what someone can do for you.  Also letting them know that you are active in the diabetes world is not such a bad thing either.  Because if they treat you well, you will tell others how good XYZ Sales Rep of XYZ Company was in solving your problem.  That results in continued sales.  They understand this VERY well (why do you think they call on so many doctors’ offices?).

You are the consumer making the purchase and in this day-and-age; there is so much competition.  Make them WANT you.

So as you look to purchase diabetes devices…….don’t run out and get the first thing that comes along; ‘kick a few tires’ first.  Make them WANT your business enough to fight to get it.  You just might be surprised at the results.

I am a diabetes dad.

Please visit my Diabetes Dad FB Page and hit ‘like’.

 

A Crucial Diabetes Supply—-the Checklist…..Do You Use One????

checklistWherever and whenever you deal with diabetes supplies—the last important supply YOU SHOULD ALWAYS pack is a check list.  How many times have you gone to the school at the end of the school year to pick up the remaining supplies only to hear, “No that was not here.”?

Instant tension.

It’s not intentional but remember there are hundreds, if not thousands, of children in a school system.  Help them help you to avoid one’s word against another.  The last supply added should be a check list of everything enclosed.  When you pick up the supplies, of course juice boxes and edible items for lows would be diminished; but what about the spare meter, the extra 5 syringes, the bottle of insulin, pump supplies, and of course, the glucagon.

When we dropped off the items, we had 2 copies of the check list and we signed both and the school nurse signed both copies at the beginning of the year.  When we picked up the items, there was no question what should be ready to be picked up.  While we are at it……a call every two weeks to check if anything needs replenishing is not a bad thing either.

Same for when your child spends weekends away at someone else’s house.  You probably do not have to have the other person sign a sheet but you having a list with you will help you remember something when you pick up your child.  When visiting, we also would place our car keys attached to the diabetes bag; kind of hard to leave the bag behind in a rush if you have your car keys attached.

Just a couple of quick tidbits on keeping track of the supplies.  You go many places and do many things and a bottle of insulin here, and a meter there, and glucagon also—all of these left behind can not only cause grief but CAN GET a tad expensive also.

Plan ahead to avoid such hassles……..you have enough on your plate…….right?

I am a diabetes dad.

Please visit my Diabetes Dad FB Page and hit ‘like’.