I remember when Kaitlyn was first diagnosed and the only thing that interest me was finding a cure and making sure her daily management was taken care of in the correct manner.
That changed.
It changed because our kids are also kids. Their goals in life need to be our goals in life. Never forget that point. The recital, the good grades, the first goal scored, the starting position on the school team, the first job, the obtaining of a driver’s license, and so much more are crucially important.
Do not minimize the success of your child because you are so focused on their diabetes. Important?, you bet. However so is the prom, so is becoming a class officer, so is going out with your friends.
One of those goals, when Kaitlyn was younger was to have the freedom to walk to the deli with her friends. I had so much anxiety over her going to the deli and what she would buy that I lost focus on what she was really asking. She wanted the freedom to just be with her friends.
It took us a few times to realize that the ‘deli pickle’ was a great choice. Soon her girlfriends were buying the same. But the pickle was the easy part….but it took a while for me to see it. It was ‘letting go’ and allowing her to ‘go to the deli’ like millions of other kids around the world.
Once we realized that point, we understood those choices more. Still not easy to ‘let go’ but not making it “about diabetes” every time and making it about goals and growing up kept a healthier relationship.
They can cross “THAT” street…….even with diabetes; but you have to let them. What was the first thing you let your child do? Let us know.
I am a diabetesdad.
PS Hit “like’ on my ‘Diabetes dad’ FB page–thank you
13 replies on “ME: B….B…B…But YOU can’t Do That, You have Diabetes.”
The first thing we let our son do was go to fifth grade camp. He’s 18 now. It was a tough journey for all of us but we tried to always treat the child first, as we would for our daughter who does not have diabetes. We made mistakes along the way but overall I think we made the right decisions the majority of the time. Our son is happy and well rounded. Art & Science merger. Growing pains are tough but together we can do it!
Fabulous Tamara—-overnights can be tough and I am sure those first few nights had you watching a lot of late-night TV—thanks for sharing.
One of the hardest “letting go” for us was when Jesse was a soph in H.S. and asked us if he could go on a 2 week class trip to Greece! We had previously let our other non-d kids do similar things at his age… So, with something that we learned at CWD ” would you let your child do that if he/she didnt have diabetes? in our minds … We allowed him to go.. But not without training 2 of the chaperones on how to administer glucagon, and getting the names of a few endo’s in Greece form Jeff- el presidente of cwd…
Jesse had a blast
we survived..
although I do admit that we did sweat it out a bit…
What a GREAT story—lesson learned—have an emergency plan on trips—-good stuff!!!!
Thanks.
My oldest son got married on Friday and I STILL asked him to check his BG before the ceremony!! I think I will ALWAYS worry but am glad someone else is there with him!!
Congratulations on the wedding!!!!! How fabulous. I LOVE that you had him check is BG before teh ceremony—–I think if that happens on my kids’ day—they would kill me……maybe I’ll just textthem when the timie comes.
🙂
My daughter (7 years old) recently went to her first post-dx after-school play date at a friend’s house. She has a new phone for diabetes management and she called me to report her CGM readings & BGs on the way home from school, before a park session & before snack. She managed beautifully. I was so proud of her and, more importantly, she was so proud of herself. Our “Ella Does Diabetes Day” are working!!! She also LOVES educating others about how she manages her diabetes – bonus points!
Bonus points INDEED—what a fabulous story.
Thanks for sharing with us.
–DD
B is 19 now and has had diabetes for almost 18 years…..there have been so many firsts it is hard to remember the hardest one! I was just talking to our Endo nurse about how hard it is to let go, but it is something we have to do.
Thank you once again Tom for bringing up such an important topic. I have always tried to let my boys be kids first and I know some people would disagree with the way I do things, but it works for us! B is a happy, HEALTHY college freshman this year, so I guess we did ok!
Wow, this brings back memories! I can’t tell you how many times, in my younger years, I’d gone to the Toms River Denny’s with my friends at 1am after a night of fun on the Seaside Heights boardwalk (I miss the Shore already. Damn hurricane!)… and ordered a salad and coffee. You’re right, it wasn’t about the food, it was about spending time with friends. (And this being the time of twice-daily injections, before the concept of a “meal bolus”, it had the smallest impact on my blood sugars.)
I am not a father but have been IDDM type 1, 41 years. I grew up with diabetes but that never stopped me from anything.I was in wrestling, drama, sang with the choir at school and went on tour in England. I was a paramedic/firefighter(not a wise decision but it was my decision). I now fix and modify computers. I have never been told that anything is outside my reach and that fact I am appreciative of.
Oh boy – there have been a few of those ‘letting go’ moments. The first was a school trip to France. Cam was 11 and he diligently texted me every night with his BG levels. Now he is nearly 17. He has done a lot of trips. The texts (when he remembers!) have now shortened to one or two words, lol. ‘BG fine’, or sometimes just ‘ok’. I wish I could say the stress lessens with each time – but I’m not sure it does ;-). The most memorable was whats called a ‘Duke of Edinburgh Award’ over here. Its designed to teach young people how to stand on their own two feet, be independant and get outside to the great outdoors. Its a very worthwhile thing to do, but a bit (read ‘very’) scary with diabetes in the mix! Over the course of two days Cameron had to cycle 60 miles over rough terrain and camp in the middle of nowhere – preparing his own food and making his own shelter. There was no mobile phone signal, no adults and just three pals his own age for company. The weather was awful. He loved it. (My blood pressure returned to normal about a week after he got back.) It was great for his confidence. Its so important that as parents we don’t let our fear get in the way of our kids being able to get out there and live. Its just so hard too, but we have to do it.
The 1st time my daughter spent the night away was grandma’s house. She was 6. I think grandma and grandpa were the most nervous. But after a few times it was good. Now she is 13 and recently started being home all day by herself. Scary because we live about 15 miles out of town. It will be hard always. How can it not be. You love them.